Dear 

Mrs. Cyanide 

 

This is your neighbor from the apartment above you and I have to address the following concerns.  It has come to my conclusion that your plants in your porch are decaying.  They, like your children, need food, water and care to grow.  And like your children they need attention.  

 

Your tomatoes need to be trained, just like your teenaged daughter, so that they don't climb the balcony rails and drop to the ground.     

 

You wonder why your son comes home covered in bruises and doesn't like to talk about it.  It is not from all the sports he plays. He is as gay as the pansies that are withering in the flower pots.  And like your son, those flowers need care, patients, and understanding or their colors will fade from your life entirely.

 

All living things need care.  Without it it withers away and is gone.  Take what you may from this matter at hand but don't take it out on your garden.  

 

Sincerely 

Mrs. Potts